Intentionality

Look at That World

While from the outside it might appear that I now have nothing to do, since I have turned in my last final assignment on Saturday, I still feel I have so much to do. A nonsensical feeling, right? Nothing to do, but everything to do. A thousand worlds to explore.

The sun coming up, the sun setting. The cycles of life, bringing new worlds each cycle.

I’m curious. What does your sink look like? I sharpened a charcoal pencil in my dirty oatmeal bowl. Art and food. Hmm interesting. What did I use that pink knife for? Look at that world all in one sink.

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I told my professors that I was going to do an art project for my final, but two days before it was due realized that to best analyze the topic, I needed to write the paper first. So I sat down wrote twenty pages on Adam Smith and Karl Marx, and now I’m still working on the art.

The topic? Something light-hearted for these strange times: “Dear self, who do you think you are?” Not sure anyone has an answer to that question, but call me if at anytime you do crack it (doesn’t matter if it’s 4am, you can wake me up). Look at that world all in myself, my many, many selves.

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I walk through the yard almost every Friday. On rainy days it’s normally quite empty. There is an eeriness. The first time I saw it empty, I cried. No, the better word is “sobbed.” My mask got kind of soggy that time. But the next times, I smiled. What a magical place for learning. A place that gave me the chance of a lifetime to study. Look at that world of learning that I am only beginning (and silly smile :)).

 

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I had gone running around the pond before I found this little dollhouse on the corner of the street, with a tiny sign saying for “FREE”. But where did the people go? You know, the ones that lived in the house? I looked around to see where they might have gone, but I could not find them. I searched the house, but they didn’t leave any furniture, nor a trace of where they might have gone. Look at that little world sitting on a street corner, waiting for it’s new life.

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There is so much happening outside my window. It might seem like nothings happening, the kids are not allowed on the playground right there. Very few people walk through the walkway below. There are a plethora of squirrels. I listen to the birds.

That tree split into two ginormous trunks is spectacular. The texture of the bark. How old are you tree? He didn’t get back to me, but that’s fine. Look at that world just feet from the little box someone constructed for me to live in.

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Yea yea yea, it’s dark and I know I shouldn’t be out past my bed time. I will be tired tomorrow, I know. But did you hear there’s a pandemic? I’m walking. I’m walking slowly.

Do you remember when you thought there was so much certainty in the world? You and I both won’t think so anymore. Or maybe you’ll forget and start chasing certainty again? I will remind you that there is no such thing. A beautiful darkness that takes over, every single night. Look at that world that continues even once the light leaves us.

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Have I gone mad? Perhaps, but you say you haven’t?

I told someone on a Zoom call yesterday that I was “good.” I think maybe he was shocked by my response to “how are you?”. Is it possible to be “good” these days? I think so.

There are so many people right now who are not “good”, living in horrific situations all around the world, and I most definitely should be considered “good,” so I am. I’m good.

Oh and yes. I have most certainly been mad, as you’re still wondering, this whole time, but this quarantine has just given me the chance to remember that I was, and smile.

 

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