Intentionality

I’m Uncomfortably Learning

It’s been over a month back at school, and I had forgotten that I liked to write and share my story here on this blog. Writing is a meditation and exercise in creativity, and I have either been studying too much or hanging out with my friends, but mostly studying and thinking these days.

I am very overwhelmed by the work, which I did to myself, by signing up for 5 classes, and am the teaching assistant for another course (one which I hadn’t taken before). And I am also helping with the Wednesday night figure drawing classes that I used to take last Spring. It’s not only that it’s too much work, to do it well, it requires my heart, soul and mind to be fresh and ready to learn and unlearn things.

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Between my two leadership classes (one learning leadership from the outside-in and the other from the inside-out) to analytical frameworks to a philosophy course on objectivity and subjectivity, I am working all part of my brain and questioning things about my identity, the loyalties I hold, the things that I do, how I frame tough problems, and who I want to be in life. I feel constantly emotionally and physically (because I signed up for a half marathon with my parents in December) exhausted. I am trying to take time for myself and with my friends, who are part of the reason I can do what I do and reflect to me who I think I am.

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I am trying to change the making of my mind – the thoughts, judgements, frameworks and information that is there. Making sure I take time to run, sleep, cook food and spend time with friends and family. I am very excited for my courses this year, and am already saddened that they will be over in a few weeks, come mid-December. Thanks for everyone who make it so I can be the best me while I am undergoing this learning transformation. It’s difficult, and I will continue to choose to make it difficult.

More thoughts to come…always…as I remind myself that I write these reflections for me, for you, and for those who want to explore what life might mean…

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