If you have not read my post about What a Long Distance Relationship Feels Like, start there. I still feel this way most days…
While I keep trying to train my brain overtime to not feel this longing, this desperation, it’s not easy. Even when little things like making pasta at home constantly remind you of him.
It’s now been about 6 months since Santiago and I have not lived together. While we have been together here and there over the past few months, I still mostly have a bed to myself (with lots of pillows to fill up the space).
What I keep realizing is that I love Santiago not because of the things that we do together, but because of the person he is. When you are in a long distance relationship, if your love is based on the things that you do together, then there is nothing for that love to be rooted in.
We are not in love because of the fun we have together – the dinners we go to, the bike rides share, and the movies we watch together. We are in love because of the people we are – for our intrinsic values.
And when love exists because of the love you have for the person, then that cannot be broken by physically being apart.
Does that make being long distance less hard? No, absolutely not. Probably makes it even harder, because you are constantly reminded of how important that person is to you.
But when love exists as a love for the person him or herself, there also is not a worry that it would end. Real love built on adoration and respect for the other person is not something that would change in the case of not living in the same location.
Maybe I’m a “hopeless romantic” to think like this. Maybe I’m naive in trusting someone with all my heart and being. Maybe it’s foolish for me to think that “love can conquer all” (or at least can conquer most things!).
But that’s genuinely how feel – deeply and utterly in love with someone for who they are, and that has not wavered being in a long distance relationship.