Intentionality

Being a Bad Friend

There is never enough time to do everything that we dream of doing in this life. Somethings have to give. What will it be – sleep, exercise, family, a boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, health, work…

For me, I have felt that my friendships have weakened in recent years. My friendships today are not what they were, say in high school, college and just post-college. While some friendships have become stronger, many have dwindled.

The combination of living in other countries (making me not physically around), and then using travel to visit family has limited what time I have spent with my friends.

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This distancing of friendships gets me sad sometimes. In just 2016, I missed three close friends’ weddings. Weddings that I maybe I would have been a bridesmaid in, but I didn’t even make it to the event.

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Another example was from about two months ago, while I was in Washington D.C. with a good friend from college. I realized that the last time we had seen each other was more than 3 years ago, and it was likely the last time we spoke too. This realization made me feel “off”  the entire evening, as if it were my fault to have let this happen to this friendship, and I worried that I had many other friends where I had let the same thing happen.

I know that I have not been there for the friends who I truly care about. Friends who I used to spend much of my time and energy with.

I didn’t mean for this to be a sad post, but I try and be thoughtful about what I write and this is what I am thinking about in recent days.

We only have one life, which means that we have nothing to compare it to. There are no do overs. But there is time to reflect and change your life going forward, and I hope that I can find a bit more time to spend with my friends. Because life is about people, and friends are important.

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2 thoughts on “Being a Bad Friend

  1. The best part about true friends is they understand completely when our lives pull us in different directions. It’s amazing how when you are a part for long periods of Time, a true friend will pick right back up where you left off like no time has passed. I think there’s phases in your life when you do end up feeling distanced from the day-to-day close friendships that you had in high school and college when you had all the time in the world to hang out with friends. Once you start a job and then you move into your family life it really makes maintaining those friendships more difficult but is only due to lack of time, not due to lack of love for those friends or them for you. I know that now because I’m in a different phase of my life and so many of my high school and college friends and others along the way have a really reconnected! I really think this is just that horrible transition into adulthood! Love Mom

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been thinking about this comment of yours, and you are absolutely right. A real friend is not based on the amount of time that you spend with one another, it’s in the inherent value of the friendship. You are friends with each other for the bond that you have, which cannot be broken by distance or time. Real friends are not built out of utility (to do activities with like eating, knitting, church going), but out of the value of the person themselves. Good friendships that are based on a person being in him or herself good, and not based on where he or she lives or what he or she does, or activities that benefit you.

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